Thursday, October 22, 2009

Why am I even writing this blog?

When I first found out I was pregnant and started thinking about all of my options, I didn't really know anything about adoption, much less open adoption. I had never even heard of open adoption, I didn't know it existed. Even with a degree in social work, I was in the dark when it came to the situation I found myself in.

With all of my questions, doubts, and moments of being utterly dumbfounded, there were a few things I was sure of.
1) Even though I love kids and I think I would be a good mother, I was not in a position, nor did I have a desire to have children.
2) Even though I didn't want children and had tried to prevent a pregnancy in the first place, I was already completely in love with this baby growing inside of me.
3) Even though I was seriously considering giving my baby to another family to raise, I had no intention of letting him out of my life.
I knew adoption made the most sense for my particular circumstance, but it couldn't be an adoption where I never knew what was happening to him, what he looked like, what his first words were, what kind of person he was. And I didn't want him to grow up with no idea of who I am either. I wanted him to be raised by two parents who would be willing to accept me as an extended part of their family as well. Was I crazy? Did this kind of arrangement even exist? Are there even people out there who are as crazy as I am, enough to let me be a part of their family? People want to adopt a cute little baby, without a 32 year old homeless mother tagging along. Nevertheless, I knew that was how it had to be, and if it wasn't that way then I would have to do whatever it took to raise him myself.

Since then, I have not only found out about this open adoption concept, but have realized that there are actually many couples out there who are trying to adopt or already have adopted who would rather have an open relationship with their child's birthparents. As I've been thinking about writing this blog, I've been searching for other or similar blogs from a birthparent's perspective. What I've found so far are blogs by adoptive couples who are in an open relationship with the birthparents, blogs by birthmothers who's child was adopted many years ago, sites that promoted adoption, and sites that were militantly against adoption and even claimed that the concept of open adoption is a lie invented by agencies and hopeful adoptive couples so they can snatch away more babies. But I've yet to find any blogs written by a birth mother or father who is in the thick of it, who has been documenting their thoughts, feelings, fears, anxieties, etc. from the beginning. Certainly none who are in their 8th month of pregnancy. I'm still hopeful that there are some women out there who are in a similar situation that wish to share their experiences with others, I just haven't found them yet!!!

All this to say that the whole reason for me starting this blog and keeping up with it is to get another perspective out there. And not just from a birth mother, but a birth father too. I'm so thankful that Bill has decided to be a part of his son's life! And not only is it just Bill and me who are committed to him, but Doug and Maura, our baby's adoptive parents, are excited about having both of our whole families as involved as they want to be. My family is in Texas and Bill's is in Utah, so it will be a long trip out to North Carolina for visits, but Bill's parents as well as one of my sisters are planning on making the trip here for the birth. My sister can't wait to meet her new nephew and his new family, and making them a part of her family.

Right now we're I think we're all in what I'm calling the "engagement phase." Couples who are in love and dream of their lives spent together can have no way of knowing what difficulties marraige will bring. Even though everything right now is sailing along like a dream- I've found the perfect parents for my son, they are people I would want in my life regardless of the situation, I am surrounded by love and support, I am happy and my baby is healthy and active- I know I can't help but be a little naive about what is to come. I know that I don't know what it will be like yet to hold my son in my arms. I can't imagine the emotions I'll be feeling after I birth him, when I first meet him, knowing all the while that he'll be calling someone else "Mommy." I'm not expecting it to be easy when he goes home with Doug and Maura and I'm without him for the first time.

But even so, I have a complete peace about everything surrounding this adoption. I am so sure that this is the best thing for everyone involved, and it's almost surreal how wonderful everything has been so far. So maybe I have no idea what is to come, but right now everything in my heart tells me this is right and good for everyone involved.

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