Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Cast of Characters: Bill

Bill (baby’s father)

With us working so closely together at a restaurant in Colorado, Bill and I naturally became very close last winter. However we knew we were going in different directions in our lives, so when the ski season ended and the restaurant closed, we parted as friends with the intention of keeping in touch. Little did we know at that time that we would be connected for the rest of our lives! From the first time I told him that I was pregnant, even in the midst of confusion, fear, interpretation, and lots of questions, he has been nothing but supportive of me and our baby. When I was working in Alaska over the summer, he would send cookies and other homemade baked treats along with a few baby toys, some pregnancy tea, and whatever else he could think of to add into a care package. Because I was in the middle of Alaska and he was in the middle of the Colorado Rockies we weren’t able to talk on the phone for most of the summer, and when we finally could it was only about once a week, but every time we did he would ask me if there was anything he could do for me or if there was anything I needed.
I knew Bill took this pregnancy seriously, and he felt all the responsibility a dad should. As we talked more about adoption, he let me know about his reservations about giving up his son. He wanted to do what was right, what was the best for his son and for him. I told him that just as he has supported me through my pregnancy, if he decided that adoption wasn’t the best route to take, then I would support that decision completely. I knew that for me adoption made the most sense, but I wanted him to be completely on board without any persuasion or coaxing from me. I knew that sometimes the most important decisions we make are not made from the head, but from the heart, and I wanted him to decide in his heart what the right thing to do was. We decided to go along with the adoption, and as soon as I told him about Doug and Maura, he immediately started thinking about moving out to NC to be closer to me for the rest of the pregnancy, and to be with his son. As soon as his summer job ended, he packed up his car and drove across the country with his border collie Bijou, and finally met Doug and Maura for the first time. It didn’t take long for him to be completely convinced that they would be absolutely wonderful parents, and that they would welcome his friendship and his role in our son’s life.
As we continued to make plans, it made sense for Shelley, Bill and I to get a house together in NC. Bill came with his border collie Bijou, and we all soon found a 3 bedroom house close to the birth center. He continues to be my main source of support, giving me back and foot massages, cooking dinners for me, going to birthing classes and doctors appointments with me, providing entertainment just by being his goofy self, and by being an all around great friend and shoulder to lean on. He has never stopped asking me if there is anything I need him to do, and even our adoption counselor has commented on how rare it is to have the birth father so involved. I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive man to be with during this time. I also love how random he is. The other day while driving in the car, he asked, “if you were serving a life sentence in prison, who would you rather have as your cell mate- Elton John or David Bowie?” “Ok, same question, but between all of the Beatles, or the Monkeys?” I can't wait to hear the kind of questions he and his son will think of together.

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