Mother's Day #3- MUCH to Celebrate!

I love celebrating Mother's Day. Of course I've always been grateful for my own mother, who raised 5 kids practically on her own while working multiple jobs and going to school, but now I'm thankful to be on another side of the celebrations. Some celebrate "Birth-Mom Day" the day before Mother's Day, but I prefer to claim my stake in the actual day itself. I am a mother, even if I don't play the traditional role of one. And giving birth to Reed is not my only part in his life, he is an ongoing presence in my heart and life, and I hope to be that in his. Maura and I talked on skype a couple of days before Mother's Day, and we both told each other that we feel that this our day when we celebrate each other, our day that we share together. Reed has his adoption day, his birthday, and every single other day of the year that he is cherished and adored, but Maura and I have our Mother's Day. Our day, when we both honor each other's role in Reed's life and say how grateful we are for each other. Our day to celebrate each other and what has brought us together. Mother's Day is not just a day to celebrate my motherhood, it is yet another chance for me to celebrate life- ALL of life. I have so much to be thankful for, and I have to give credit to Maura, who gives me the peace of mind in knowing that Reed is exactly where he belongs. It's because of that inner peace and surety that I can enjoy life to the fullest, because I'm so confident that Reed is in the best place to be able to enjoy life to the fullest as well.

 Here are some of the things I've done since I last posted:
 1) I visited Reed's family in North Carolina and my family in Texas over the Christmas holidays, which was amazing as usual.

2)In January, I got my scuba certificate in the Philippines (that's me doing the photo bomb in the background)

3)I spent a wonderful week in Borneo in March hanging out with orangutans and traipsing around the city of Kutching

4) A long weekend on the beach in Malaysia in April

5)And in May, I spent a weekend in Indonesia hiking up an active volcano...

...and walking around temples over 1000 years old.

Meanwhile, what has Reed been doing? He's been doing all the things a two year old boy should be doing, like playing outside

Getting in touch with his inner artist (painting Easter eggs)

And the BIGGEST news of all... enjoying time with his new baby brother!!!!!

That's right, Julian was born in January, and now Reed is a part of a thriving family of 4. I'm so happy about this and we have all been supporting the idea of a growing family since the first time I even met Doug and Maura.

 So here I am in Singapore, living this fantastic life of exploration and adventure, and there Reed is in North Carolina, surrounded by beautiful nature, picking vegetables from his garden, gathering eggs from the nearby chicken coup, absorbing artistic energy from his potter father and creative mother, surrounded by loving friends and family and truly living a life to be envied.

Yes, there is definitely much to celebrate.

 So this Mother's Day, I went out with my friend/spiritual sister/old same/roommate Shelley (who was at Reed's birth and is also a mother herself) to a celebrate with a nice Japanese dinner. The food and sake were amazing, and the waiter even brought us out complimentary Mother's Day desserts of green tea ice cream and rich hazelnut chocolate. Then we continued the night at the Wine Connection with some wine and pizza, topped off with some soul-searching conversation. We raised our glasses to Maura, to our children, to our own mothers, and to everything in life that has brought us to where we are now.

Random Thoughts From a Non-Mothering Mother on Mother's Day

Why do people celebrate Mother's Day? For the act of giving birth? For all the sacrifices a mom makes for her children? For the daily love and care she gives to her family? Just some of the things I have been wondering about today. Not that I'm doubting the validity of celebrating Mother's Day, moms are certainly a great thing to celebrate! But what about me? Do I have a right to celebrate mother's day? Am I a "mother?"

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Last night, as I was searching the internet for something that related birthmoms to Mother's Day, I found out that many adoption circles celebrate the Saturday before Mother's Day as Birthmom's Day. I've been thinking all day about that. Should I have a different day to celebrate giving birth to Reed? Should I not share the same day as Maura, who is the one actually parenting him and being his mother?

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Mother's Day is somewhat of an anniversary for me. It was on Mother's day in 2009 that I was sitting in a hotel room in Thailand, watching a documentary about mother animals in the wild, and I was thinking, "Oh God, I'm a mother." The next day I took the pregnancy test, which, with the time difference, was Mother's Day in the US. I knew it would be a special day for me for the rest of my life.

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Last week I received an email from Amazon.com saying that a friend of mine here in Singapore had just bought me a gift card for Mother's Day. This morning I woke up to find a message on facebook from an old friend of mine from highschool wishing me a Happy Mother's Day, with some very heartfelt words about her respect for birthmothers. It was very sweet and touching, and just what I needed. I worked, as I always do on Sundays, until 5pm, and during my lunch break one of my co-workers treated me to a Mother's Day waffle. This is not just any waffle, this is an extra buttery, extra delicious, extra fresh waffle made from this little waffle stand in the neighbooring mall. It's very fattening, very delicious, and today was very appreciated. After work, I knew I wanted to mark the occasion in some way, so after going home and changing into some cooler clothes (it's been hot, hot, hot here!), I made my way into the heart of town to treat myself to dinner. I found a nice tapas restaurant where I had never been and indulged in 3 courses, dessert, and wine. When I got home tonight I had two more wall posts on facebook from my sister and another friend here in Singapore, also wishing me a happy Mother's Day.

No, contrary to what the above paragraph may have indicated, celebration of today is NOT just about me undoing all the hard work I've put into loosing my baby belly!


(My Mother's Day celebration dinner, compliments of ME!)

As I thought about today and read comments about who people were celebrating and honoring, it became evident that there are many different types of mothers; biological, adoptive, even 'community mothers,' women among a community who have shared their hearts, homes, gifts, wisdom and love to others all around them. Being a mother is a multifaceted role, one that more than just one woman can fulfil in the course of someone's life. For me, the obvious role I play in Reed's life is giving birth to him. Loving him, encouraging him, talking and singing to him as I was building him, choosing to carry him, and then choosing to give him a family; this is not an honor I'm willing to dismiss for myself because he is not with me every day. As Reed grows older, I hope to continue to have a special role in his life, still loving him, encouraging him and talking to him (he may get a bit annoyed if I kept singing to him, so I'll replace that with listening to him).

I identify with being a mother. It's always uncomfortable for me when people I don't know ask me if I have any kids and I say no. I have a son, he is my son, he'll always be my son, just as much as he was when I gave birth to him. And though he will never actually call me 'Mother,' I will always be his mother. I may not have the big hoopla of people taking me out or cooking dinner for me or make sure I don't do any housework or get me special gifts, but I will still celebrate Mother's Day because I am a mother.

*****And not as a side note but just as important as everything I have just written above,
Happy Mother's Day to Maura!!! She is not only a great mom to Reed, but she has been a great person for me to share this day with. I'm so blessed to have her in my life as Reed's mom, and of course Reed is too. She sent me an email with a short update (they're visiting family in NYC, so a longer update will come soon) and pictures. I love that she actually wishes me a Happy Mother's Day instead of just thanking me for making her a mother (which she did as well).